Sailor Coon
by Yandere Lolli56
Summary: When Eric's new obsession is sailor moon, resolves to suit up and fight... and in the process annoyes the hell out of his friends. rated T for lanuage
1. Chapter 1

Eric Cartman was bored.

He sat alone on the couch, trying to think of something worthwhile to do. Kyle was at some festival for the ginger and Jewish or something, and he wouldn't be back until later. Stan was fishing with his grandpa, and undoubtedly doing something retarded like trying to save all the fish. Kenny was off somewhere saving the world or something. His mom hadn't gone shopping yet, so there was no food in the house.

Whatevah, he sighed inwardly. Might as well watch some TV.

He turned on his television and immediately was greeted by that doushebag Mexican dog trainer.

"Pass" he grumbled, flipping to the next channel.

"Hey Lois, want remember that time I tried to buy earphones in Iran?"

"Pass" he said, getting slightly more pissed off, and pressing another button on his remote.

"The lost city of Atlantis? It was definitely aliens"

"AH GODDAMIT" The boy's short temper finally snapped, and with that he threw the remote on the ground.

Suddenly, a show he had never seen before came on.

"_Fighting evil by moonlight_

_Winning love by daylight"_

Cartman stopped his temper tantrum long enough to look at what was on the tv.

Bright lights flashed, and on the screen appeared a girl with long blonde hair, in pigtails wearing a sailor outfit.

"hey….. I had never seen this show before….. looks kinda kewl…"

He sat down in front of the TV, and slowly became transfixed in the story….

It was about an ordinary girl named Serena who became a superhero, with the help of her magic cat named Luna. In the first episode, they had to fight a evil women who was trying to steal energy for the mega verse.

Instantly after watching the first episode he ran to his laptop to watch the rest of the series.

Needless to say, the overweight, racist, bigoted boy loved it.

Why, you might ask?

Well, first of all, it was the perfect universe. There were no black people, and all the lesbians had to pretend like they were cousins.

Second, there were cats. Who didn't like cats?

And third, the outfits were super kawaii.

Like that word? The fat boy had gotten it off of one of the 50 fan forums he quickly joined.

But as with everything, Eric was not content to just watch the shows and read the manga. He had to take his fan levels to extreme attempts.

And he knew just how to do that.


	2. butters and stan

First, he picked up the phone to call butters, seeing as he would be the easiest to get to come over.

Unless, of course, he was grounded, that is.

He picked up the phone, knowing butters mom would answer immediately. Honestly, didn't that chick have better things to do then to sit by the phone?

"Hello, who is this?" The woman's voice confirmed his suspicions.

He put on his politician voice before responding,

"Eric Cartman, Miss. Stotch." I was wondering if leoplald could come and plahy."

She paused. "Aren't you the boy who we caught sucking Leopold's wiener?"

"…No."

"Are you sure you aren't, because you sound an awful lot like…"

Cartman lost it "GODDAMIT! I assure you I am a good little Heterosexual just like Jesus intended!"

"Well anyways, Butters can't come and play, he's grounded for trying to find out what play-dough tastes like."

"ARGGHH" Cartman shouted before slamming down the phone.

Whatever, he thought; at least we have our first mission for when the other guys come.

With that thought, he called Stan.

"_STAN!"_

"...Cartman?"

"Stan I need your help"  
"Awwww, dude... it's like... four in the morning here"  
" STAN! There killing baby seals and you want to get back to sleep?" Cartman put his voice on full panic mode, hoping Stan would get the message.  
"What" was Stan's oh so eloquent reply.  
"Yeah there killing baby seals! Apparently they found something that only exists in baby seal blood, and it makes your skin all silky and shit" Cartman replied, hoping that this would convince Stan  
Cartman could hear an audible sigh on the other end, and Then Stan's voice  
"Give me one reason I should believe you"  
Luckily, Cartman had prepared for this situation.  
"Fine you heartless douche, if you need proof I can email you a picture."  
He quickly pulled the photo shopped picture he had labored over hours before, and sent it to Stan's inbox. Still on the phone, he could hear the ping of his email arriving in Stan's mail.  
He began to count down in his head

_3...  
2...  
1..._

"_Awwww dude weak_!" Stan sputtered before vomiting on the floor.  
"So, are you coming?" Cartman didn't try to hide the impatience in his voice  
Stan shaken, replied "yeah dude...as soon as I can"  
"Good" Cartman said before hanging up

Sorry for such a slow update... If this ever happens again you can call me Tyrone and tell me to get my shit together

Oh yeah, and if anyone wants to add me on tumblr my name is

.com/


End file.
